twinsleft:

i decided to make a meme out of all the shit i say regularly. enjoy!

GENERAL SHIT. 

• ❝ I’M GONNA MCFREAKING LOSE MY MIND. ❞
  
• ❝ I’m going to shove an entire baseball bat down my throat and smash my insides. ❞
  
• ❝ *aggressive finger guns* ❞
  
• ❝ *high pitched screeching* ❞
  
• ❝ That’s where you’re right, kiddo. ❞
  
• ❝ I AM THE ONE THAT WEIGHS A TON DON’T NEED A GUN— ❞
  
• ❝ HECK. ❞
• ❝ GOTTA FUCKING BLAST. ❞
  
• ❝ That’s my cue to blast outta here. ❞
  
• ❝ GOT ME MOTHERFUCKING MCSHOOK. ❞
  
• ❝ Thoroughly shooken. ❞
  
• ❝ LISTEN— ❞ 
• ❝ Trust me, I’m a professional. ❞
  
• ❝ I’m gonna throw myself off of a fucking bridge. ❞
• ❝ I’m convinced I was a cat in a past life. ❞
• ❝ Inject caffeine directly into my veins, please. ❞
• ❝ I literally have a ‘white people voice’ for when I’m being polite. ❞
  
• ❝ I sound like a fucking twelve year old. ❞
• ❝ I got a tiny ass head. It’s like a fucking golf ball. ❞
  

BITTER SHIT.

• ❝ _____ is the literal bane of my existence. ❞
  
• ❝ I hate you. …I’m kidding. ❞
  
• ❝ Yeah, well, he’s/she’s/they’re a manipulative cunt, so. ❞
  
• ❝ I’m gonna punch you in the fucking mouth. ❞
  
• ❝ I’m small and bitter like an espresso. ❞
  
• ❝ I am Denatonium benzoate, aka the most bitter substance on the planet. ❞
  
• ❝ *facepalm* ❞
  
• ❝ *frustrated groaning* ❞
  
• ❝ I hate _____ with every fiber of my being. ❞
  
• ❝ I will kick your fucking ass. ❞
  
• ❝ Don’t you fucking dare. ❞
  
• ❝ I get it, I’m fucking short. ❞
  

LOVEY SHIT.

• ❝ You mean a lot to me. Like, seriously, a fucking lot. ❞
  
• ❝ I do it because I love you. ❞
• ❝ *fondly* Fucking nerd. ❞
  
• ❝ *fondly* Dumbass. ❞
• ❝ You are my absolute favorite person. ❞
  
• ❝ *heart eyes* ❞
  
• ❝ Don’t even fucking think about leaving without giving me a hug. ❞
  
• ❝ *whining noises and grabby hands* ❞
  
• ❝ There he/she/they go(es), the love of my life. ❞
  
• ❝ It’s literally unfair how attractive he/she/they is/are. ❞
  
• ❝ Look at how pretty he/she/they is/are, I’m gonna fucking cry. ❞
  
• ❝ I just wanna smooch his/her/their face. ❞
  
• ❝ JUST LOOK AT HIM/HER/THEM! I’M GONNA SCREAM. ❞
  

MOM-FRIEND SHIT.

• ❝ I am mom-friend. ❞
  
• ❝ You best not be fucking texting and driving. ❞
  
• ❝ Do you want ____? ❞
  
• ❝ Please don’t do that, you’re worrying me. ❞
  
• ❝ Listen, my job is to make sure everyone else is okay. ❞
  
• ❝ ‘Drink water kids!’ I say as I am severely dehydrated. ❞
  
• ❝ ____, that’s not good. ❞
• ❝ Who do I have to fucking fight? ❞ 

ANGSTY SHIT.

• ❝ I hate myself with every fiber of my being. ❞
  
• ❝ I’m just really fucking scared. ❞
  
• ❝ I’m sorry that I love you. ❞
  
• ❝ I’m sorry that I’m like this. ❞
  
• ❝ What’s wrong with me? ❞
  
• ❝ God, this happens every fucking time. ❞
  
• ❝ I loved her/him/them. And she/he/they fucking abandoned me. ❞
• ❝ I don’t know what I’m doing. ❞
• ❝ Why the fuck am I crying? ❞
• ❝ I’m getting bad again. ❞
• ❝ It’s like everything goes in one ear, out the other with you. ❞
• ❝ I’ve told you time and fucking time again that it makes me feel like shit, and yet you still do it. ❞
• ❝ I look and feel like absolute shit. ❞
• ❝ It’s nothing, I’m fine. ❞
  

SLEEPY SHIT.

• ❝ I’m so fucking exhausted. ❞
  
• ❝ I really wanna just sleep. ❞
  
• ❝ I need to just sleep for like 17 years. ❞
• ❝ I could literally fall asleep anywhere. ❞
• ❝ I’m gonna pass out in the middle of the hallway. ❞
• ❝ I’m already fucking tired. ❞
• ❝ If I sit still in one place for like 30 minutes, I will fall asleep. ❞
• ❝ Can I just nap instead? ❞
  

(Source: twinsleft-blog)